Waiting

I have always been someone who as is/was usually blessed. There has not been much in my life that I really had to struggle for or wait too long for it to come to me. I would say, with all praises to the Almighty that I have been thoroughly blessed for the longest time and leading a comfortable, pretty easy & good life.

So, with that fact in mind & coupled with me being a millennial and my annoying need for instant gratification, I tend to always get what I want pronto. So, when for the very first time in my life, something that I want is getting a little well, delayed, I was not completely sure how to handle it.

Why am I not getting it? Why am I not getting what I want? Naturally, I got very impatient, restless and stressed up. Naturally, I started looking for reasons as to why I was getting this very ‘delayed’ response. Six months might not seem long for some people, and even when I am typing this out, I see the absurdity of my irrational thoughts.

It has not even been a year and if this is my reaction, then perhaps it is true that I am not ready? Because to be ready for it means to be matured and to be calm in the face of adversity.

& when I do my deep reflection, I know that in my heart, it is not that I am dying for it to happen. I truly am not. I am perfectly happy with the current situation and what I have. Of course, if it were to happen, I would be delighted but that does not take away the fact that I am happy now. It does not, in any way, chip a little of the happiness block that I am having now. So, I ask myself, where is this coming from?

If it is not the fact that I want it so badly, why do I feel the way I feel right now? I am still grappling to find the answer but one reason that I can possibly surface is because I have been a big believer and I subscribe to the idea of sequence. Everything needs to happen in stages and after A comes B then C next D followed by E. Jumble up the letters a bit and I get stressed. So, naturally, this is what was supposed to happen after the series of events that has happened in my life. & of course, life works in a way that when you think you want something, everyone else around you start to have it then that thought change to you knowing you want it too.

Tsk. Such a simple creature, aren’t I?

Did I forget the message embedded in the Book?

And be patient, [O Muhammad], for the decision of your Lord, for indeed, you are in Our eyes. And exalt [ Allah ] with praise of your Lord when you arise.
(At-Tur, 52:48)

Be patient, for the decision of your Lord.

Be patient,

for

the

decision

of

YOUR LORD.

Mashallah.

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4 thoughts on “Waiting

  1. Daydreamer Queen says:

    Fasha, i used to be like u too,mostly in life i get what i want too, i like things to be in order after this, that should come next, i was anxiously waiting every month whether i could be pregnant till i get stressed, then i realise rezeki comes in different ways, some may get a house but not yet with zuriat while some have zuriat but still waiting for a house (like me, we failed bto thrice) and just nice when i grad 6 months later after the wedd i got pregnant.. Trust in him, i realise that Allah plan it better than us..insya Allah n don’t give up.. 🙂

    1. fashasamsudin says:

      True, different forms of rizq comes to different people in different ways. If only it was that easy to internalise such messages, inshallah. 🙂 Congratulations on your pregnancy.

  2. dfiee says:

    Truly truly understand how you feel. There are days I question myself too. But I know there are bigger plans for all of us and I am trying to convince myself that it’s OK to feel this way. Sending lots of love and hugs over!

    1. fashasamsudin says:

      Only people in the same boat can truly relate, I guess! I think it is so easy to fall into the abyss of why havent i why cant i etc etc but mashallah, perhaps this extended time we have as a couple is a form of rizq that He is giving us! Striving to find the blessing in the situation. Hugs back to you pips! 🙂

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